She’s all that and a bag of chips! Fit to be a Queen and though her crown be invisible, she wears it everyday and she shines as bright as the light!
She’s perfect in all of her imperfections! Immaculate in every way! So uniquely created that all who see her never forget her!
She’s every woman! Every man’s dream and every little girl’s idol of supremacy!
She deserves a round of applause, a standing ovation, and to have a hall of fame built in her honor!
BUT I HATE HER!!!
I hate that she’s not me! I hate that she’s got it going on! I hate that she’s obviously got something I don’t! WHY HER AND NOT ME….???
Recently I was watching a talk show and a guest made a comment that I shall never forget. In short, she said that “Girls are taught to be enemies rather than allies”!
This hit home for me because I was just having a conversation about how most women suck at supporting each other! I’ve found it more common that women lose the support of other women when they begin to accomplish their goals and aspirations.
For example, a role model of mine told a story about how she and a friend entered a pageant years ago. She had no interest in competing, but did so simply in support of her friend. Well, surprisingly enough she won the pageant and needless to say her friend was no longer her friend… Maybe if she’d lost the pageant to her friend they’d still be friends?
Any who I’m working on the lengthiness of my blogs so let’s get to the point! (LOL)
“Girls are taught to be enemies rather than allies”, so we do hateful things to one another.
We gossip about each other! (“Girlllll let me tell you about so and so…”)
We don’t support each other! (“She’s competing? Oh well let me not go to the event!”)
We imitate each other! (“You start a business, I’ll start one too and call it something different to compete with yours!”)
We don’t congratulate each other! (“She won? Shoot she’ll never hear a congratulations from me!”)
We don’t compliment each other! (“Her skirt is cute but I’ll never tell her!”)
And the list goes on and on! The point is, we are trained at a young age to compete and compare ourselves with other girls rather than to support each other.
My testimony is that I grew up in a shadow! My eldest sister and I are 15 months apart. She was always taller, lighter, and “prettier” than I was as a child and of course she got all of the attention! (LOL) Anywho, by the time we were in high school I’d developed self-confidence issues based on my supreme admiration and comparison to her! She too was a pageant Queen and I admired the way she looked, acted, dressed, her confidence, and EVERYTHING! I wanted to be JUST LIKE HER!
It was because of that I was never able to be happy with myself! Consistently comparing myself to her gave me a complex about me! Similar behaviors are performed by haters… Haters have such a strong admiration for a person that they tend to eventually hate them because in comparing themselves to that person it becomes a reality that they will never be that person.
I wasn’t until I stopped comparing myself to my gorgeous sister and found the fabulousness inside of myself that I got it together! Once I understood that I’d never be Troinisha Kai’Lan and that I had to make the best out of Verinique De’Vionne is when I found peace. That peace gave me the strength to set and accomplish my own goals and to know that in myself I have all I need! Then the understanding came that, “I AM ME”!
Ladies, we can end our hatred and our competition with each other once we are content with being ourselves. We can compliment each other and support one another once we reach a place of personal peace and thus become liberated from our hate. We have to learn that comparison is the root to envy. When you base your success off of the comparison to and competition with someone else you will consistently find yourself falling short of success.
The truth about life is as my dad would say “It’s a open buffet”! Meaning that there’s plenty for everyone to eat or “accomplish”! There are enough blessings and opportunities to go around. And even better than that, God designed you for a UNIQUE purpose that can’t be fulfilled by another individual, nor can it be taken from you. It’s not just given to some of us, but ALL of us! If nothing else, be content in knowing that you have something special specifically meant for you and ONLY YOU! And what’s special about the next girl is specially meant for her and only her! That alone should help you get over envy, jealousy, and hate of other women!
Clap for your sister, your cousin, your friend, your classmate, your coworker, and ALL women doing wonderful things.
We’ve got enough challenges to face as women so instead of tearing each other down its time to build each other up, one “ACCOLADE” at a time…
By: Verinique Bailey, “The V. In Virtue”
The picture is of my older sister and I from the 2008 Miss LaVergne High School Pageant! She’s still a beautiful Queen!*