Obedience: Farewell I AM ME Inc. (Blog Version)
Recently I announced my plans to dissolve I AM ME Inc., the women empowerment organization that I founded in 2013. I wanted to tell the story about how I came to this decision with hopes of inspiring you all to listen to the will of God regarding your lives and to be obedient and to trust him even when you don’t fully understand. I am long winded (as you all know – LOL), but I will try to keep this short and sweet!
Back in January I felt like my life was a train wreck! I was a recent college graduate, unemployed, broke, bored, and burdened down! Every day seemed like a bad day and I would sleep most of the time to keep my mind of the sorrows of life. I must’ve applied to one thousand jobs and sold and pawned over thirty things to make ends meet. My life was a mess! I was struggling to trust God and to depend on Him to make ends meet for me. I remember praying a prayer about a friend of mine. I asked God to “reveal unto me what I needed to see” with the hopes of getting clarification about something we’d been praying for. To my surprise, God began to reveal things unto me, but instead of being about my friend I was seeing things that were about me.
He showed me instances where’d I’d been selfish and even prideful. Times where I’d been mean and rude. And he even showed me how I went from humble beginnings where I trusted him to provide to feeling a sense of entitlement and forgetting about him in the end.
He took me back to the time when I prayed for days about starting I AM ME! I trusted God to give me a sign and he sent it through one of my friends. He revealed to me how he showed me it was the right time. I flashed back to writing the constitution and bylaws and how I was so dependent on him and I needed him to guide me in creating the mission and branding statements! I wanted to be sure not to make it into something that wouldn’t glorify him. And he provided!
He revealed to me how I’d prayed about who to ask to help me with the organization. Anyone who knew me knew that I AM ME was a dream of mine for the future but when I decided to start it on a collegiate level I needed God’s guidance. I prayed that he would lead me to the “right people” when asking them to join in with me. He lead me to asking the co-founders to be a part of I AM ME, it was just five of us and our advisor and with everything we were in it together! We made decisions together, we supported each other and we were all so overjoyed to just see the works of what we hoped would be a great thing! He provided for us!
He took me back to when we had the first informational and it was raining so heavily almost all day! I worried that we wouldn’t get a good turn out, but I trusted that God would provide. “I remember saying it’s not about the numbers! It’s only about us meeting our purpose!” God saw my humility and by the time I arrived we had a packed house of over seventy women! He provided the membership!
I remember the first year enduring the pressures of being a new organization. I remember people asking me about beef with other women organizations on campus. I remember feeling frustrated because I hadn’t anticipated the drama and Lord knows I hate being tied up in some drama! I remember going to him in prayer and asking that he would remove the negativity. He placed on my heart to have a joint event with those organizations to show our unity! The even was FABULOUS, might I add! (LOL) He provided peace!
And lastly he revealed to me how excited I was when we won Impact Organization of the Year after our first year! I remember crying when I got the email and crying when announcing it to the members! I was so humble! I knew all these things were blessings from God and I was sooo grateful! He provided the recognition and honor!
But let me interject and say when God shows you yourself… He doesn’t just show the good but honey he will show you the bad and the ugly! (LOL)
He showed me how when I got ready to incorporate I AM ME kept it to myself and I wasn’t sorry about it! I didn’t tell any of the members or even the co-founders until it was done! I remember being so excited to take I AM ME to the next level and I did research on what it would take to get there it done. To my surprise it was easier than I thought so I hurried to file the paperwork and to get it done. Afterwards I decided to go forth with making a website, paying for a logo, etc! I mean I did it all, never considering how my “surprise” would be perceived. I thought that everyone would be happy and excited about it and when they weren’t I took offense. I didn’t think anyone had a reason to be upset, but in reality they did. I’d left out the co-founders, the ones who’d helped me to even get the organization to the point where it was. I’d basically brushed them to the side and although it wasn’t my intent to hurt them, I did! After praying my prayer, God showed me how I’d hurt them and didn’t even realize it. He revealed that this was the start of my pride!
God reveled to me my sense of entitlement! After I AM ME won the first award the organization blew up! We had over 150 members and were growing everyday! Our events were on point and we worked hard to ensure that we were truly meeting the mission statement. By year two, I knew we were the stuff! No one could tell me the thing! I’d founded the greatest women empowerment organization to hit the planet! (In my mind -__- LOL) Seriously it was great! Problem was, my head went from humble to bigger than a blimp! Honey I had the mentality that no one could touch us and no one could compete. I knew we would win more awards and I would challenge anyone who tried us. Pride filled my heart and I didn’t even realize it! I’d lost sight of God and had long stopped praying for him to lead and guide the organization and got to a point where I didn’t need him.
Lastly, he brought to my memory the expansion of I AM ME. By the time I was ready to expand people were interested all over. Because I’d missed opportunities in the beginning, I was determined that I wouldn’t miss another. Before I knew it I AM ME was finally on another campus and so was my head! (LOL) By then I was full of pride and entitlement. I was the founder of #THEULTIMATEEMPOWEMENTOFWOMEN and I was the baddest in the land! I AM ME was world wide in my mind! (LOL) I didn’t need God to do a thing for I AM ME because I were good without him!
I’d slipped away from the mission! I’d forgotten about the purpose! And more importantly I’d pushed the Lord to the side.
So when I found myself praying for him to reveal unto me what I needed to see, he showed me me! And surely I’m no horrible person (LOL), but even I’d fallen short of his grace!
God showed me myself and how I needed to dissolve the organization. Even after he showed me where I went wrong, I still wasn’t convinced! I battled back and forth about it! I questioned God and his will and why he would ask me to bring an end to something he led me in beginning! But that’s just it, he is the end and the beginning.
Fighting with him and being disobedient was difficult because it was getting me no where and he was just waiting on me! Honestly I had nothing to lose so I decided to give trusting him another try! I told God “I don’t understand what you’re doing in my life but I choose trust you! I will dissolve the organization by May!” He knew my heart, he knew I needed him, and he knew I was serious about making a choice to obey him! He started blessing me once I started being obedient! I got not one well paying job full time, but a part time job too! I even got some blessings I can’t talk announce yet, all because I decided to trust him!
I still don’t quite understand what or why he’s told me to do this, but what I do know is that being obedient to God is the best thing a person could ever decide to do! Since my decision to be obedient I pray everyday and I now have peace about my decision. When thoughts of doubt enter my mind and I question whether I am doing the right thing, I tell God, “I will trust you!”, and he gives me peace! Since making the choice to be obedient to God he has continued to provide for me and he is showing me how to depend only on him.
I’ve decided to go into depth about this to encourage you all to trust and to be obedient to God! In yesterday’s vlog I referenced a time when I wasn’t as close to God as I’m working to be. During those times if I heard someone say God told them to do something and I would question the truth about it! I would think things like, “They’re lying! God doesn’t talk to people!” But it wasn’t until I made the choice to have a relationship with him for myself that he began speaking to me! And honey trust me, when he’s speaking to you, you will know it’s him so trust him!
I hope that you all chose to obey him even if it puts you out, if it shames you, if it embarrasses you, if it puts you in a tough situation! Choosing God and trusting him to lead you while you’re blindfolded is never a bad idea! Although you may not understand or see where he’s taking you or what he’s bidding you to do, you’ve got to decide to trust and obey him first and he will reveal it in due time!
To I AM ME Inc. I apologize for not being as clear as I could’ve been and I hope this gives you peace and understanding! 🙂 Thank you for all you’ve been and done for me and I AM ME! I pray that you all are blessed in your every endeavor in life! If you need me I’ll always be here, but y’all know that! (LOL) I hope that everyone who reads will be obedient to God even when you don’t understand!
Thank you all for reading! Have a wonderful night!
By: Verinique D. Bailey, “The V. in Virtue”